There’s no need to skirt around the issue.
Being clear with your words might seem like a simple thing to do. Yet if you reflect on conversations you’ve had and the things you’ve said recently you might find times when you haven’t been so clear.
It might have been because you weren’t really thinking in the moment but upon reflection you can see that you should have chose your words more carefully.
However, it could also be that the words you chose in the moment weren’t totally honest. Maybe you were scared to say how you really feel.
Either way what ends up happening is you’re not happy with the response you get from the person you were talking to. It’s not because you didn’t agree with them but instead because their response wasn’t addressing what you really had to say.
Next time try being a little clearer and say what you really mean.
I don’t know was one of my most used phrases during my school days.
It was an easy 3 words to use in situations where I didn’t want to participate, like class.
I’d sit daydreaming, ruminating or just quietly paying attention. Then all of a sudden a teacher would call on me for the answer to a question.
Perhaps I hadn’t heard it or maybe I didn’t want to think or join in because after all my hand wasn’t even up.
So, I’d almost immediately respond with I don’t know even if after some thought I might have had an answer to contribute.
I never wanted to offeranything because on the occasions that I did, my hand would be up.
And so when I used to say I don’t know it just meant that I didn’t want to offer, join in or engage.
This phase of my life was around 10 years ago at a time where I found it incredibly difficult to use my voice.
These days I’m more commonly heard saying I’m not sure and I’m much more willing to contribute something and be wrong instead of saying nothing at all.
If you find yourself using I don’t know as a regular response ask yourself why because you might find that it could actually be replaced with the phrases ‘I don’t want to think’.
And if you don’t want to think then you might be a lazy person or you might be scared of being wrong.
Either way there’s something to work.
Just because you fail doesn’t make you a failure, if someone doesn’t accept your help doesn’t make you useless and so it goes on.
I think sometimes we try so hard to define things and to define who we are that we miss the bigger picture. It’s not about being a winner or a loser.
Alan watts wrote something that really stuck with me that pretty much said in terms of duality that you only know one thing because of the other, that they’re different sides of the same coin.
We put so much weight on the meaning behind things that we forget to just take them for what they are.
It doesn’t feel particularly good when you upload a picture on Instagram and it gets significantly lower likes than usual. You didn’t post it for the likes but you hoped it would perform as good as usual or at least only slightly lower.
But when your image gets 40% of your average likes, you can’t help but start to question things.
Why is nobody liking my picture?
Did I post at the wrong time?
Was my picture really that bad?
Maybe if I come off Instagram for a little while the likes will be there when I go back to it.
As humans many of us have this habit of attaching meaning and feelings to situations that could be totally neutral. Share a picture because you want to share it and leave it at that.
If you feel some type of way about the numbers of likes you’ve gotten ask yourself ‘What do these likes mean to me?
Often the answer is some form of validation, that what you’ve shared is good enough. Many of us take it one step further and attach that validation to our sense of self.