Sometimes in an effort to be inclusive, the original message gets lost in translation.
Maybe the goal is to help a specific group of people but then over time that specific group becomes less and less specific until it now includes everyone. This makes things difficult because all these groups have different wants and needs that are impossible for you to meet all at once.
And so in trying to meet everyones needs you don’t end up meeting anyones.
You can’t be for everyone which might be difficult to accept but that’s okay, you can be for a select group instead. It’s better to help 10 people than to try and help 100 when you don’t have the time, money or resources because you may end up leaving them worse off than if you’d done nothing at all.
I think a big reason why we sometimes avoid setting boundaries is because we think don’t know how to do it. However, it turns out the setting boundaries is like everything else, getting good takes practice.
And so like Zig Ziglar said ‘anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well’.
Instead of shying away from setting boundaries because you think you’ll do it badly, embrace where you’re at and in time you’ll get better at it.
It’s important to pay attention to when things change. Doing this avoids being in a situation where you’re pushing on towards something you may no longer be interested in.
And the more you keep going the further you’ll find yourself from where you’d probably rather be.
Sometimes the way it goes is that we simply just don’t realise in the moment when the change happens. However, things like a regular life audit, journaling or any other kind of reflection are all great tools to make you more aware of what’s happening and how you feel.
Little problems can suddenly become big problems.
It is so important to address things in the moment instead of brushing them off, waiting or saying nothing.
When you do this you’ll find that days, weeks or even months later you’re bringing stuff up that were (according to the other person) not an issue when they happened. And this can then make you seem disingenuous because you pretended that everything was okay instead of raising the issue in the moment.
I think it’s important to be clear about what you do and don’t accept. And then practice voicing that to the people around you so that they are aware of what you’re not okay with.
That way, you never have to let things pile up because that person is already aware. Sometimes we tell ourselves that by saying nothing we are avoiding confrontation or protecting the other persons feelings from getting hurt. However, more often than not we just end up causing ourselves more issues.
As much as you may say you want certain things, you might not want them as much as you think you do.
For example, wanting a dog but not wanting the extra responsibility required. It could be wanting a promotion but not the mentoring and leadership you’ll be required to give to colleagues once you’re higher up in the company.
It can actually end up being for the best to not get what you want because when you get it you won’t really want it. Sometimes we only realise this in hindsight. However, I like to believe that is the reason why certain things just don’t work out.
It might be frustrating in the moment but you’ll be much better off getting what you want instead of getting what you think you want.
If you want someone to trust you then getting angry when they try to open up won’t help.
It is so important that what you do reflects the way you want things to turn out, otherwise what’s the point?
You can’t just go around doing whatever you want and expecting or hoping that everything will turn out your way.
You have to ensure that your actions are in line with your desired outcome. But you also have to remember that sometimes things just won’t quite turn out the way you want them to.
There comes a time when you must come to a healing place.
Some say they feel connected and at peace by the ocean and for others it’s being among the plants and trees.
Life can be challenging, emotions can be draining.
It’s hard to go on with your normal day to day life when your troubles are weighing you down.
Maybe you don’t even realise you need a break, that your body and mind have had enough.
And then suddenly you find yourself called to a place that is peaceful and calm. Upon arrival, you relax your shoulders and audibly exhale. You had no idea how much you needed to be there.
Creating a sense of equilibrium, is important.
It’s not about everyone doing the same thing but instead about each person playing a role and having something to contribute.
But, often things end up out of balance. Perhaps, one person is over giving whilst another is putting in the bare minimum effort. Overall it may appear that things are still balanced, they aren’t.
If you’re giving 80% and getting back 30%, you’re now at 50% and probably feeling depleted. For the person giving 30% and getting 80%, their cup is now overflowing. That is not balanced.
I think it’s important to have an understanding of how much each person is willing to give to create understanding. Otherwise you’ll end up making assumptions and assuming the worst.
The idea of saying yes to what you want is pretty simple yet somehow we often end up doing the opposite.
We end up saying yes to things that we don’t want.
We have this idea in our mind of what we want, what we’ll say yes to and what we’re willing to accept. Then, when the moment arises where we have the opportunity to show up truthfully, we crumble.
We say yes instead of no and we make allowances or excuses for other people. It’s like we intentionally draw the short straw. It could be about people pleasing, a fear of hurting other peoples feelings or maybe you’re just scared to say no.
What ever the reason, you’re the one that then ends up committing to something that doesn’t even align with what you really want.
And when this happens, it shows. You give less effort, show less enthusiasm and even if you don’t say it, you end up giving off a sort of ‘I don’t want to do this vibe’.
Essentially you just make things harder for yourself and you end up less happy than you could have been.
When it comes to making things happen, we sometimes underestimate the power of letting things go.
We have to make room in our lives for the things we want instead of holding on to the things we no longer need for the sake of nostalgia or fear of change. Sometimes, we feel like letting go means we don’t value things. Other times, we convince ourselves that holding on to the memories will not be enough.
You might even be holding on to the fear that if you let go of something you’ll end up wanting it back or that nothing else good will come into your life.
But letting go is powerful.
It shows that you’re not willing to keep what you don’t need, that you believe better is possible and that you’re open.
On the flipside, holding on to things that you no longer need shows the total opposite.