I think that many people would like to think that they are open to change.
Whether or not this is true can be easily tested. See how they react to things not going how they wanted.
It turns out many of us are actually only open to change within the parameters of getting some version of what we want.
We think this way because we think that we know what the best outcome is. To be open to anything else is the equivalent of wanting bad for yourself.
And that is okay, it’s rare that a person wants things to turn out badly.
But if you shift your mindset, things not going as planned can just be unexpected or challenging situations for you to work through, they don’t need to be bad or even good.
When you do this it makes it much easier to manage when things don’t go to plan.
When you know that something is coming to an end it can be easy to lose momentum and to lose interest. It can feel pointless to muster vigour and enthusiasm when you know that in a few weeks everything will be over.
But all good things must come to an end, it’s something we’ve all learnt a long time ago. Knowing that the end is near shouldn’t stop you from giving your best and putting in effort. In fact maybe knowing that it’ll be over soon should encourage you to keep showing up and giving your best.
Sometimes we choose to view life in such a simplistic way that we don’t even consider that something is missing.
You perceive things as good or bad and wrong or right without leaving room for flexibility.
But often the truth lies somewhere in between.
For example, Robin Hood was a thief which is bad but he helped poor people which is good.
Limiting him to one or the other is an over simplistic view that doesn’t accurately portray the full picture.
Sometimes both things can be true.
In a recent post, I wrote about how sometimes your best isn’t good enough. However, I think that idea requires further thought and explanation because it’s not as simple as it may seem.
To be told that your best isn’t good enough can be a difficult pill to swallow, it can be disheartening. Your best isn’t something rigid that can’t be changed, yet we often perceive it that way.
Instead of thinking that it’s your best overall, think of it as your current best. You’re current best is flexible, it’s something that can be changed and improved upon.
And so, if it’s not good enough right now, it can get better.
It’s probably true that in almost any situation there is something negative, difficult, disheartening or unfortunate that you could focus on.
And focusing on those things will rarely make you feel good so why not instead just focus on the good bits. Focus on the bits that bring you joy, make you happy and make you excited about life.
It’s not that you should ignore things that need sorting out or just put your head in the clouds. However, sometimes having the kind of perspective where you focus on the good bits allows you to see the not so good bits with a level of clarity, this then allows you to move forward and progress.
Not everything will be perfect and not everything needs to be.
Sometimes all you need to do is focus on making something that is good enough for right now.
Maybe, you can make it better later or maybe good enough is all that it needs to be.
If that’s the case, any time spent making it amazing isn’t time well spent. Instead of stressing to make it better, try focusing your efforts and energy on something that needs to be much better than just good enough.
Sometimes you might find yourself expecting the worst.
You have this whole worst case scenario prepared in your mind that you don’t even hold space for something good to happen.
And so you then avoid the thing that you think will turn out badly until you can avoid it no more.
But more often than not, things turn out better than you think.
How often do you honestly say how you feel when you don’t feel particularly good?
It’s fairly easy to talk about how happy you are, how much you’re looking forward to something or how great you feel. But when it comes to saying I feel low, I feel sad or I’m not feeling my best, most of us are much less willing to be open.
Instead you’ll find yourself saying things like ‘I’m fine’ even though you don’t mean it at all. Feeling sad or feeling low isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t something that you have to hide.
And sometimes all you need to feel better is to simply talk about why you don’t feel so great.
We’re often brought up to believe that risk is a bad thing.
But the truth is it depends on the risk.
Packing up and moving to a new city could be considered risky but it’s not a bad thing. On the flipside, gambling away your savings hoping to hit the big time is risky and it’s not a particularly good idea.
I think when it comes to taking risks you know whether it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’ based on how you’ll feel if it doesn’t work out.
When the risk not panning out means your safety at risk it’s probably not something worth pursing. Let’s take the gambling example.
If it turns out well you could walk away with more than your annual salary which is enticing. However, if we look at what happens if things go wrong you’ll realise that you gain nothing. If you gamble away thousands of pounds you don’t leave the experience haven’t learnt a lesson.
Those kinds of risks aren’t worth taking.
But when you try something new, push yourself and get out of your comfort zone, even if it doesn’t work out as planned, you’ve given yourself the opportunity to grow and develop into the kind of person you want to be.
A person might look at your life and tell you that things should be different.
That you should have pursued a different sort of career, that you should have more friends, that your relationships with certain people in your life should look a certain way.
That might be because they they think you’d be better off with things being different.
This is often based on the way things are or what they think is the right way to live.
It can be difficult to not take on the expectations and ideals of others. So if you’re ever close to conformity remember that different is good and sometimes it’s the best thing for you.