For many people, how they value or see themselves comes from other people.
This might be great when people are treating you well and constantly telling you how great you are but when not so much when you’re treated and being spoken of poorly. You go from feeling good about yourself to not feeling good enough.
Then you end up feeling stuck because you were always so reliant on other people to determine your self-worth that you don’t know how to stop.
And so, you feel down and worthless whilst also blaming other people for how you feel. I think that stage of blaming others continues until you’re able to realise that nobody else should be in control of how you feel about yourself. That’s not a solid foundation.
Suddenly the everyday mundane tings that often got overlooked are the very things that you long for.
The walk to the train station, getting a vanilla latte at your favourite cafe and walks through the city centre on a Saturday afternoon.
Those simple things were part of what was once normal life and although they meant very little at the time, they now represent freedom.
If 6 months ago someone told you that you wouldn’t be allowed to do those everyday things maybe you’d have been glad. The irony is that so often we try to get away from normality but right now you can probably think of nothing you want more.
It’s easier said than done.
We grow up having people tell us to be more or less of ourselves.
And for many at a young age you follow the words of those older than you. That’s fine when it comes to things like eating a balanced diet, doing your homework and being kind to people.
But on the flip-side when you’re being told to what career path to pursue or who you should be, I think that’s a problem.
How are you ever going to figure out who you are and be yourself if you’re always listening to other people? Sure this person might mean well and think they’re being helpful but they could also be projecting.
You’ll get told not to pursue something creative because it’s risky, to get a job in a particular sector because it’s more stable, to dress in differently… the list goes on. But often this advice has nothing to do with your happiness or life goals, it’s about conformity, a lack of belief, other peoples discomfort or even control.
And if you listen to all these voices and follow along with what you’re told you slowly start being less and less yourself and therefore less happy.
It’s not much fun living your life as an actor and allowing everyone else to direct.
And so in order to ‘simply’ be yourself you have to let go of all that stuff and be okay with other people being frustrated that you won’t do what they say.
In exchange for that, you get to be you.
I often like to remind myself of Zig Ziglars popular quote ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well.‘
So, how do you execute a big idea when you’re just starting out. Or do you just put it on hold until you have more experience.
I used to think that it was best to wait because I didn’t want to look back on a good idea and see how much better it could have been.
But in doing that, I wasn’t allowing myself the room for trial and error, room to improve.
There’s nothing wrong in doing something poorly , it’s part of the process. Not everything you do will be perfect and treating things as so will only limit your potential.
So, if you have a big idea that you’re holding back on, now might be the perfect time to do something with it.
Focus on doing things that are helpful and try not to get distracted by the seemingly significant things that are also known as stuff.
If 764 people read this post, I might come to the conclusion that I should write ‘Reasons to…’ posts more or that this length or writing style is the winning combo.
But in doing that I wouldn’t be giving myself the freedom to explore and develop as a writer. At the crux of it when you have a passion for something it will never just be about the numbers. It’ll always be more about the feeling, something you can’t measure.
When you’re in-flow and the words pour out with an almost trance like ease it might not be the most popular piece of work you’ve created but it took something for you to create it.
Even if you find a formulas that works you still have to innovate to some degree and after a while you might get bored because you’re no longer just being creative.
The use of a formula adds rigidity and constraints.
Checking the stats could also be done for reassurance that there’s at least one persons on planet earth reading what you’ve written and there’s nothing wrong with that because nobody puts stuff out there for it to go unread.
You might find a way to convince yourself that checking the stats will make you as better writer when the truth is writing will make you a better writer. The stats are just a distraction.
Imagine if you took a break from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, TV and Facebook.
How much more time would you have each week?
And if you used that time to work on something you truly care about or something that will benefit you like learning a new skill, learning a new language, studying, writing your book or exercising.
Would your life change for the better or worse?
In an age where we can create our own platforms and put our voices out there I often ask myself if I should be doing more.
Granted I have 2 blogs alongside working full-time and studying part-time but writing on my blog is something that is so safe and familiar to me that I wonder if I should be doing more to stretch myself.
I can’t help but wonder if with all the potential and opportunity in the world right now if just working a 9-5 is enough. In the last 20 years things have changed a hell of a lot and I often think about all the things I’ve ever thought of doing and could be doing.
Speaking, presenting, storytelling, podcasting, youtube, volunteering or starting a business.
I’ve even noticed that a 9-5 for so many is just a means to an end until the side hustle earns them enough money to sustain the minimum lifestyle they require. And even if the side hustle doesn’t become a fulltime thing, they care about it and put so much more into it than they do with there day job.
A lot of us worked towards getting ‘good’ or ‘stable’ jobs in order to live the standard or expected lifestyle. But we never stopped to consider the importance of having, love, joy and excitement for what we do.
Or we didn’t even consider it as an option.
I’d love to know your thoughts.
Is your job your main passion?
Do you have a side hobby or side hustle?