I recently started watching a show from the 90s that has gained a significant amount of criticism for various reasons. Much of it I agree with, yet I still found the show (for the most part) enjoyable to watch.
One particular bit of criticism that I didn’t agree with was that against the main character. People raised points of her making silly mistakes, being selfish and making poor choices.
However, as much as I understood the criticism, the show was not created to present the characters as perfect. Plus, it’s unrealistic to expect all things to pass the test of time. I think for may people the real issue was that their perception of the main character had changed from good to bad.
It went from thinking she was cool and liberated to thinking that she would have been better off if she…
She went from being aspirational to being an example of what not to do.
And so I think it’s much more useful to take the show for what it was instead of focusing on this idea of a perfect character. And if that feels difficult, think about you’re own life. It is more than likely that the ideas you had and choices you made in the 90s are not ones you carry with you in present day.
Some things are awkward to bring up but that doesn’t mean that you should avoid them.
Acknowledge that it will be awkward and that maybe you’ll feel a little uncomfortable and then just tackle it head on.
You might find out that it’s not as awkward as you’d anticipated. But if it is awkward, that’s okay too. Some things aren’t so easy to talk about. However, they tend to get a little easier the more you talk about them.
As much as you might know what you need and even want, doesn’t mean anyone else does.
But sometimes we forget that and we end up feeling frustrated. We end up then wondering why the other person won’t say or do certain things. We take it personally and we get upset.
However, more often than not it could all be sorted with a simple conversation. All you have to do is say what you need and then the other person can either meet that or they can’t. If they can, great but if they can’t it’s then up to you to figure out how you want to proceed. But at least you won’t be left wondering why your needs aren’t being met.
I recently had an unanticipated situation occur, in fact I’d describe it as unideal. At first I found myself focusing on the situation, all that had occurred and how it had led me to feel.
But the more I got thinking about it, the more I found myself zooming out and thinking about this situation in the grand scheme of life and death.
Doing so allowed me to pick up on other things happening in the different areas of my life.
Sometimes it takes an unideal situation for us to become aware of the aspects of our life that require some care and attention. I think that my choice of word is so important here. It’s easy to fall into an unhelpful mindset of thinking everything is a mess. The reality is that sometimes things happen just to remind us to stay on track, pay more attention to ourselves and to take better care of ourselves.
Have a look at the goals you set for the year. Go through them one by one and check in to see how things are going. Below are a few ideas to assist with a mid-year goals check-in:
What have you made progress with?
Go through your goals and think about how far you’ve gotten with the plans you made. Perhaps you wanted to try a new recipe each month which you’ve stuck to. Maybe you’ve surpassed that goal and been trying two new recipes a month. When it comes to goals, sometimes you end up overachieving without even realising because it’ something you enjoy or it’s become ingrained in your lifestyle that it now requires less effort.
What no longer resonates?
Maybe in December/January when you were setting your goals you came up with things that simply so longer resonate’. It could be a particular number of countries you wanted to travel to but now you’re focusing on other things. As much as it’s great to achieve you goals, I also think it’s important to know when let them go. If not, you end up holding on too a bunch of things that take time and energy away from what things that still matter to you.
What do you need to start focusing on?
Sometimes there are things that you planned to but have not yet made time for. However, taking the time to reflect means you can make a plan of action on how to begin. Maybe the goal was to read 12 books for the year but half way through 2021 you’ve only managed to read two. You might now decide that in order to reach the goal or at least make better progress you will read a minimum of X pages per day or join a book club.
Doing this reflection allows you to refresh your mind and refocus your energy in order to prioritise what you’re still interested in working towards. You’ll more than likely find that you’ve done more than you thought. However for the things you’re yet to begin, just because you have not yet started doesn’t mean you don’t have enough time. it’s better to start and make a little progress than to do nothing at all
Before you say or do something you might regret, give yourself time.
Perhaps, your instinct is to react straight away especially if you’re angry, upset or frustrated. And, sometimes that might be exactly what you need to do. But other times there is value in being patient and in having patience.
It takes patience to not to react, to take the time to hold and work through the feeling, to calm yourself enough so that you’re able to then respond from a more rational or settled frame of mind.
Do nothing until you’re able to get yourself from a space of reacting to a space of responding. It could be hours, days or even a week.
In a recent conversation, I spoke about this blog and how I share something everyday. I explained that I don’t allow ‘feeling like I have nothing good to write’ to hold me back from posting.
For many people, the idea of making a commitment to do something that you don’t have to do every single day isn’t particularly appealing. Part of the reason for this is because there’s nothing to keep them on the hook. With the example of daily blogging, who keeps you accountable?
If I don’t post for a day or a week there are no repercussions. Nobody get’s annoyed and nobody will email to ask where the new blog post is, there are no real negative implications at all (aside from my own internal frustrations). And so if this is the type of thing you’re committed to, you need to find a strong reason within yourself to keep going because there will always be days where you don’t feel like it.
…you probably already know the answer.
Sometimes when you ask questions, you’re not looking for an answer, you’re looking for confirmation on what you’ve already decided or you want someone to tell you what you want to hear. This is why you end up frustrated with how the person responds, you didn’t get the answer that you wanted.
For the person on the other end they’re simply being honest. As much as you may favour a particular response, there’s not much point in asking a question if you’ll only be satisfied when things go your way.
You have to learn to ask the question and accept that things could go either way. You can begin implementing this by learning to give people the space to be open without judgement and then placing honesty above things going your way.
Sometimes it helps to take a few steps back and return to the way things were. We often perceive this to be a negative thing as though we have regressed. However, it might actually be the case that the way you used to do things was much better.
So often we search for better or new because we don’t know what’s out there. And so we turn away from what we know and venture out to see what else is on offer. Sometimes we find other great options or ways of doing things but other times we end longing for what once was.
It’s normal to want to explore and try new things but perhaps you’ll ending up finding that the way things were is exactly how you want them to be.
In a recent post, I wrote about how sometimes your best isn’t good enough. However, I think that idea requires further thought and explanation because it’s not as simple as it may seem.
To be told that your best isn’t good enough can be a difficult pill to swallow, it can be disheartening. Your best isn’t something rigid that can’t be changed, yet we often perceive it that way.
Instead of thinking that it’s your best overall, think of it as your current best. You’re current best is flexible, it’s something that can be changed and improved upon.
And so, if it’s not good enough right now, it can get better.