In the company of one as in you, yourself and um you, there are many valuable lessons to learn.
A significant one being Who am I?
It’s much easier to gain an understanding of yourself when you’re not having to consider others. I think that the aspects of you in solitude should be the aspects of you that show up when you’re in the company of others.
Things like being able to say what you want, contribute opinions, take the lead and just be you.
For example, when you’re doing things alone you have to make decisions, you can’t rely on others to choose for you.
But for some despite how they are when they’re alone, in the company of others they end up being ‘them but less’, perhaps a little passive or even submissive.
You do it because you want to play the peacemaker or not rock the boat, you don’t think you deserve to be heard or perhaps you’re just scared.
Hiding/playing small is difficult to overcome once it’s ingrained in you as a habitual response.
But change is possible, it just takes practice.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about risk, personal growth and trying new things.
When you do something that challenged you it’s only normal that you would want the risk to pay off.
And when things work out it’s great. You feel good inside because you were brave and it payed off. You’ll probably do that thing again because the good outcome taught you that there was nothing to be afraid of.
But what about when the outcome is not what you wanted. You muster the courage to speak up in the meeting and your points are dismissed.
What do you do?
Do you speak again?
The part of the brain that deals with fear and survival will set off the safety alarm and maybe even go into shut down mode.
When you do something and it doesn’t work, it’s not considered a ‘safe’ option which is why you often end up retreating.
But what I’ve learnt is that the act of being brave is where the focus should be. When you place too much importance on the outcome you don’t acknowledge what it took to do the thing you were afraid of in the first place.
Things can’t work out the way you want all the time, perfection is a falsehood.
You know that thing you do as kid or maybe just that thing in general of picking flower petals and saying ‘he loves me, he loves me not’. Or maybe flipping a coin or rolling dice and saying ‘if it lands on X then i’ll…’.
I recently started doing that again but with other things. With the coins on my window sill and the beads on my bracelet.
It may seem strange but there’s a method to the madness. I do it to work on becoming less indecisive. When you stop putting so much pressure on the decisions that you make it helps reduce anxiety but also teaches you that if you’re caught between 2 decisions it will be okay either way.
That sort of thing is what I call ‘Mind management’. It’s about understanding that you can make changes to the way your mind works if it isn’t benefiting you. When I first realised that a few years ago, it was pretty liberating.