The comparison monologue

Also known as complaining about all the things other people have.

‘She’s the same age as me but I’m pretty sure she’s a millionaire (or at least not far from it), she successful, beautiful, has great personal style, has more freedom, more friends and probably more of something else beginning with F, like Fendi perhaps. I definitely¬†can’t afford Fendi.

Her life is so much better than mine.’

What’s the use in making comparisons if it doesn’t feel good or it makes you forget all the good things your life is full of.

How about instead of looking at what other people have, focus on yourself.

You have a challenging and interesting job, you have a few close special friends, you make people laugh, you’re generous, you spend your free time creating and you’re an avid learner.

Sure you don’t have tonnes of money but that’s not what has you feeling discontent because there will always be someone who has things you don’t have.

You feel discontent because you’re playing a losing game whilst trying to convince yourself that you can win.

You feel discontent because you’re not happy with where you’re at and you’re using other people as a distraction from how you feel about yourself.

But maybe you could face those feelings and figure out what you can do to change the way you feel for the better.

 

The waiting game

Not all games are worth playing, not unless you have to.

If you could choose certainty over uncertainty, would you?

Would you still choose certainty if it required courage and perhaps a little discomfort  (which is totally normal when something is new).

If the answer is no then that means that your fear overrides the bit of you that wants to be at peace. That you’ll accept long-term discomfort because it’s comfortable and familiar over short term momentary discomfort that will lead to peace.

It might be hard to admit to you yourself and even harder to say out loud but what if it’s true.

What if you’re subconsciously (or consciously now that you’re aware) holding yourself back because you’ve become comfortable with discomfort.

I’ve always said that there’s comfort in familiarity, it’s a better the devil you know kind of situation.

So, if you find yourself in the waiting game and it’s uncomfortable, don’t keep playing.

Do something different, it might feel scary but it might be worth it.

The blame game

You don’t have to play, you can always opt out.

I used to be the sort of person who would blame other people for the misfortunes of my life. Not in an explicit way but I felt that I needed certain people in my life to change in order for me to feel better in life.

At the time I truly believed that it was because of ‘them’ that my life had gotten to be so dreadful .

It didn’t even occur to me back then that I was giving my power away, that by blaming others for the state of my life I was declaring that I was not in control.

But after doing some reading, reflecting and ruminating I realised that I’m the one in control of my life.

I also realised that sometimes we subconsciously reject the responsibility over ourselves and our lives and look to other people as ‘the bad guys’ who’ve ruined things for us.

It takes courage to decide to take responsibility and stop playing the blame game.

The problem with relying on someone else to change in order for you to be feel good is that the person may never change. By playing the blame game you just end up missing out and that’s no fun.