If you’re someone that likes to vent and offload I think it’s important to be mindful.
Think about things such as:
How many times have I vented to this person about the same issue?
Has anything changed or am I just repeating the same thing over and over again?
Do I want help solving this or just someone to sit and listen?
The answer to those questions might make you realise that you should spend more time solving your problems than you do talking about them. Your answer might also inspire you to ask before you vent instead of dumping on someone and apologising after.
As much as I think it’s totally fine to want someone to just listen without trying to offer advice, I also think that people have the right no not want to hear you talk about your problems, especially when you’ve gotten into the habit of carelessly dumping on someone over and over again.
Your good advice is wasted on those that just want a listening ear.
It’s easy to know when you don’t want someone to tell you what they think you should do. But how often do you extend that to other people.
Have you ever found yourself giving what you believe is excellent advice only for the person to totally ignore it?
Perhaps you weren’t paying enough attention to understand that they didn’t want advice in the first place.
When you’re used to something, you can end up creating situations in your life where you get more of it, even when it’s not helpful.
I recently had a conversation about a problem. From my perspective it was fairly easy to solve. From the perspective of the person I was with it was something challenging, the sort of thing to go back and forth and around and around about without actually finding a solution.
An easy way to work through solving your problems is to establish where you’re at and where you want to be. Then, fill in the gaps. What can you do to get to where you want to be?
But we sometimes end up making things difficult for ourselves. We get so wrapped up in the problem that we’re not even really trying to solve it. We’re not stuck because we can’t solve the problem, we’re stuck because we’re addicted to limbo.
This is why you can sit and talk with someone who is upset or frustrated and even when they ask for your advice and you offer it. They just go right back to the problem.
And the thing is, it gets boring and even exhausting to listen to after a while. Nobody wants to sit and listen to someone complain about something they aren’t even trying to change.
Often the key indicators of someone being ahead of their time is that years later other people are doing what they did with less pushback and other people are gaining more success.
Another indicator is if the person were to do what they did 5 years ago today, how would it be received.
A few years ago I started listening to a podcast that began a few years prior so I had hundreds of episodes to catch up on.
From the very first episode I listened to, I was hooked. I went back to the very beginning and worked my way through.
The podcast ended around a year after I started listening and I enjoyed it so much that I’ve gone back to the beginning and re-listened.
When I think about that podcast I honestly believe it was ahead of it’s time.
I’ve come across other people that are doing similar podcasts and I’ve come across people who started later and have had more ‘success’. Lastly, if the podcast I enjoyed started 5 years later than it did or even if it started today I’m certain I’d have liked it just as much if not more.
And so, I think it’s fair to say that the podcast was ahead of it’s time.
Some people will never truly hear you when you speak no matter how hard you try.
In those circumstances the solution is never to try harder.
You might think that the harder you try they’ll eventually come around and hear you out. But the thing is some people aren’t interested in being wrong.
Some people aren’t interested in hearing a perspective that contradicts their own.
And even if they realise that they were wrong and the information you shared had changed their mind, they’re more likely to dismiss that.
When a person is more interested in being right than being open to new information, it might be a waste of time trying to get them to listen.